Don't let tough economic times affect your relationship.
These are tough economic times. Whether we have been hard hit by the economic recession through the loss of our job, concerned or depressed by the loss of our savings for retirement or in real estate, or worried about the future... we are stressed. It is crucial to understand the different ways we deal with stress as men and women and to learn how to best meet each other's emotional needs.
If, for instance, a woman loses her job, is in fear of losing her job, or her income is reduced, she will want to talk about it. When a woman talks about problems and her partner is truly listening, her stress is reduced. She may very well talk a lot, with every small detail thrown in for good measure. A man shouldn't feel that he must now fix her problems and give unsolicited advice or suggestions. This is not what she wants.
A man should also never tell a woman how she should feel. While a woman is talking, a man may be tempted to interrupt and say, "Forget about it...Don't worry about it...It's no big deal." Her response may be, "You never listen to me...You don't understand...I never feel heard." Instead of a man helping to reduce her stress, his partner will feel invalidated or dismissed.
A man must understand that a woman unleashes her problems by remembering and talking about them. At times, a man may ask a woman "What's wrong?" and she says, "Nothing." Many times, "nothing" really means, "Nothing, unless you want me to talk about it and you listen."
If a woman is stressed, a man needs to be stressed with her for a while. A man just needs to breathe deep, listen intently, be interested — even inquisitive — and she will feel better without him having to do anything. A woman can help a man by reminding him he only needs to listen. If a woman wants suggestions, she must make it clear in what area she wants help. When offered, appreciate his input.
Now, if a man loses his job, is in fear of losing his job, or his income is reduced, he will not want to talk about it. A man wants to forget about his problems to reduce stress. A man thinks, "I've already done all I can do today, so why dwell on it?" When a man talks about his problems, it brings back all of his anxiety and stirs up the impulse a man has to fix problems.
A woman can misinterpret this normal way for a man to reduce stress anxiety to mean he didn't try hard enough today or he just doesn't care to share his feelings. He may be doing all he can do, but just doesn't want to talk about it.
To avoid a woman's misinterpretation, a man must remember to routinely update his partner on his situation. But, a woman must also remember his need to then let it go and not pump him with questions. Her continued talking will make a man feel defensive because he will misinterpret her questioning to mean she doesn't trust his best efforts.
Though a man should regularly update his partner on his stresses, a woman still must give her partner his cave time, or alone time. Men have their mental caves with a big "do not disturb" sign hanging over its entrance. A man may retreat into his mind where he can feel in control and try to figure things out. Or, he may try to forget about his problems by watching sports, playing video games, or reading the newspaper.
Like a mini-vacation, this alone time reduces his stress and restores his feelings of well-being. When a woman gives a man what he needs, it's like putting honey outside the cave, not vinegar. A man will eventually come out and be more available, caring and loving to his partner.
If your relationship is stressed, and you both find it difficult to communicate and get connected, invest in professional counseling. Unlike the stock market, counseling will consistently offer you handsome profits with dividends.
