by Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW
There is a variety of ways a man can score points with a woman without having to do much. It's magic when a man does little things for his partner. It keeps her love tank full and a woman knows she is loved.
- Upon returning home, find her first before doing anything else and give her a hug.
- Ask her specific questions about her day that indicates awareness of what she was planning to do, e.g., "How did your day go? Did you have fun at the mall?
- Practice listening and asking questions.
- Resist the temptations to solve her problems.
- Give her twenty minutes of unsolicited, quality attention. Don't read the newspaper or be distracted by anything else during this time.
- Bring her cut flowers as a surprise as well as on special occasions.
- Plan a date several days in advance, rather than waiting for Friday night and asking her what she wants to do.
- If she generally makes dinner or if it is her turn and she seems tired or really busy, offer to make dinner.
- Compliment her on how she looks.
- Validate her feelings when she is upset.
- Offer to help her when she is tired.
- Schedule extra time when traveling so that she doesn't have to rush.
- When you are going to be late, call her and let her know.
- When she asks for support, say “yes” or “no” without making her wrong for asking.
- Whenever her feelings have been hurt, give her some empathy and tell her "I'm sorry you feel hurt." Then be silent; let her feel your understanding of her hurt. Don't offer solutions or explanations why her hurt is not your fault.
- Whenever you need to be alone, let her know you will be back or that you need sometime to think about things.
- When you've cooled off and you come back, talk about what was bothering you in a respectful, non-blaming way, so she doesn't imagine the worst.
- Offer to build a fire in the wintertime.
- When she talks to you, put down the newspaper or turn off the TV and give her your full attention.
- If she usually washes the dishes, occasionally offer to wash the dishes, especially if she is tired that day.
- Notice when she is upset or tired and ask what she has to do. Then offer to help by doing a few of her "to do" items.
- When going out, ask if there is anything she wants you to pick up at the store, and remember to pick it up.
- Let her know when you are planning to leave or take a nap.
- Give her four hugs a day.
- Call her from work to ask how she is or to share something exciting or to tell her "I love you."
- Tell her "I love you" at least a couple of times every day.
- Make the bed and clean up the bedroom.
- If she washes your socks, turn your socks right side out so she doesn't have to.
- Notice when the trash is full and offer to empty it.
- When you are out of town, call to leave a telephone number when you can be reached and to let her know you arrived safely.
- Wash her car.
- Wash your car and clean up the interior before a date with her.
- Wash before having sex or put on cologne if she likes that.
- Take her side when she is upset with someone.
- Offer to give her a back or neck or foot massage -- or all three.
- Make a point of cuddling or being affectionate sometimes without being sexual.
- Be patient when she is sharing. Don't look at your watch.
- Don't flick the remote control to different channels when she is watching TV with you.
- Display affection in public.
- When holding hands, don't let your hand go limp.
- Learn her favorite drinks, so you can offer her a choice of the ones that you know she already likes.
- Suggest different restaurants for going out; don't put the burden of figuring out where to go on her.
- Get season tickets for the theater, symphony, opera, ballet, or some other type of performance she likes.
- Create occasions when you both can dress up.
- Be understanding when she is late or decides to change her outfit.
- Pay more attention to her than to others in public.
- Make her more important than the children. Let the children see her first and foremost.
- Buy her little presents, like a small box of chocolates or perfume.
- Buy her an outfit. Take a picture of your partner along with her sizes to the store and let them help you select it.
- Take pictures of her on special occasions.
- Take short romantic getaways.
- Let her see that you carry a picture of her in your wallet and update it for time to time.
- When staying in a hotel, have them prepare the room with something special, like a bottle of champagne or sparkling apple juice or flowers.
- Write a note or make a sign on special occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays.
- Offer to drive the car on long trips.
- Drive slowly and safety, respecting her preferences. After all, she is sitting powerless in the front seat.
- Notice how she is feeling and comment on it, e.g., "You look happy today" or "You look tired", and then ask a question like "How was your day?"
- When taking her out, study in advance the directions so that she does not have to feel responsible to navigate.
- Take her dancing or take dancing lessons together.
- Surprise her with a love note or poem.
- Treat her in ways you did at the beginning of the relationship.
- Offer to fix something around the house. Say, "What needs fixing around here? I have some extra time." Don't take on more than you can do.
- Offer to sharpen her knives in the kitchen.
- Buy some good Super Glue to fix things that are broken.
- Offer to change light bulbs as soon as they go out.
- Help with recycling the trash.
- Read out loud or cut out sections of the newspaper that would interest her.
- Write out neatly any phone messages you make or take for her.
- Keep the bathroom floor clean and dry it after taking a shower.
- Open the door for her.
- Offer to carry the groceries.
- Offer to carry heavy boxes for her.
- On trips, handle the luggage and be responsible for packing it in the car.
- If she washes the dishes or it is her turn, offer to help scrub pots or other difficult tasks.
- Make a "to fix" list and leave it in the kitchen. When you have extra time do something on that list for her, don't let it get out too long.
- When she prepares a meal, compliment her cooking.
- When listening to her talk, make eye contact.
- Touch her with your hand sometimes when you talk to her.
- Show interest in what she does during the day, in the books she reads and the people she relates to.
- When listening to her, reassure her that you are interested by making little noises like as ha, uh-huh, oh, mmhuh, hmmmm.
- Ask her how she is feeling.
- If she has been sick in some way, ask for an update and ask how she is doing or feeling.
- If she is tired offer to make her some tea.
- Get ready to go to sleep together and get in bed at the same time.
- Give her a kiss and say good-bye when you leave.
- Laugh at her jokes and humor.
- Verbally say “thank you” when she does things for you.
- Notice when she gets her hair done and give her a reassuring compliment.
- Create special time to be alone together.
- Don't answer the phone at intimate moments or if she is sharing vulnerable feelings.
- Go bicycling together, even if it's just a short ride.
- Organize and prepare a picnic. (Remember to bring to picnic cloth.)
- If she handles the laundry, bring the clothes to the cleaners or offer to do the wash.
- Take her for a walk without the children.
- Negotiate in a manner that shows her that you want her to get what she wants and you also want what you want. Be caring, but don't be a martyr.
- Let her know that you missed her when you went away.
- Bring home her favorite pie or dessert.
- If she normally shops for the food, offer to do the food shopping.
- Eat lightly on romantic occasions so that you don't become stuffed and tired later.
- Ask her to add her thoughts to this list.
- Leave the bathroom seat down.